March 17, 2006

Nice Throw

Diehard readers of this site (of which there are approximately three) will remember the sad and disturbing yet undeniably comical tale of rugby fan Geoff Huish, who quite literally cut off his gonads to celebrate a victory by his favorite squad. Courtesy of loyal reader Frank G. Yak (who has taken over the dubious distinction of being the site's official provider of information regarding severed genatalia), things have reached a new level.

Wednesday morning on Chicago's Northwest Side, a man named Jakub Fik (no relation to Robert Fick that I am aware of) found himself in a confrontation with police officers and, having run out of knives to throw at them, he did what any of us would have done in a similar situation: He threw his penis at them. That's right -- when faced with the most daunting of urban challenges, Fik chopped off his wang (presumably with the very same knives he threw at police) and flung it towards his would-be apprehenders.

There are about a thousand jokes to be made here, and they're all too easy. I'll just say this: If nothing else, you have to give Fik credit for employing the element of surprise. Though he was naked and bleeding when officers found him, you can't imagine they were expecting to have a severed schlong lobbed in their direction.

Some questions:

Is there a genatalia-severing Hall of Fame? And if so, are Huish and Fik first ballot inductees?

What would it take to arrange a made-for-TV meeting between these two in which they retold in graphic detail the frame of mind that led them to tread down a road only history's stupidest males have wandered?

Is anyone else aware that according to the doctor who reattached Fik's penis, if a severed penis is put on ice soon after the severing, the chances of a successful reattachment are actually pretty good? Good to know for those of you looking for an innovative and shocking new party trick.

And lastly:

Why exactly do I find this so entertaining?
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-Somehow I just now saw the video of Allan Ray's eye injury for the first time. I had no idea how close he came to becoming a cyclops. If someone ever poked out my eye on the basketball court, I'd make like Jakub Fik and peg it at them.

-This doesn't exactly pertain to sports, but it does involve some remarkable ninja-like feats of athleticism, which always merits a mention on this site.

-This has exactly nothing to do with sports, but it is too entertaining to ignore.

-Shameless plug of the day: Check me out on SLAMOnline.com. My thoughts on Steve Nash's MVP candidacy.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Aimee Berg said...

Whew...it is quiet around these parts. Almost as quiet as the last meeting of the Stromile Swift Fan Club.

10:15 PM, March 21, 2006  
Blogger The OCC said...

It truly is a ghost town. I think I just saw a tumbleweed blow past.

May have something to do with the fact that I didn't write anything for an entire month. I think there's some reader backlash going on.

6:28 PM, March 22, 2006  
Blogger jimmyrad said...

I, personally, have no idea where to start in my response to male genitalia removal, much less try to solve the riddle of how long one's manhood can last on ice.

5:02 PM, March 23, 2006  

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