December 20, 2005

Tice's Tickets, the Hawks Suck Again and More

Today's topics of discussion:

-Vikings' head coach Mike Tice is now preaching ticket scalping ethics, chastising Vikings ticket scalpers for selling their tickets to Steelers fans. Is it just me, or does this so blatantly scream hypocrisy that you can audibly hear the word "Hypocrisy!" in your head when you think about the very absurdity of Tice's actions. What's that you say? It IS just me? Hmm...I should probably have that looked at. Seriously, though, the fact that a man who got into so much trouble for scalping his own complimentary tickets would even speak out on the subject of ticket scalping speaks to the very imbecility (real word? Debate) at the core of his character, and in my opinion warrants immediate termination of his contract or at the very least a written berating at the hands of yours truly.

-And speaking of idiocy, newly-acquired Washington National Alfonso Soriano is refusing to move to the outfield to accomodate his new team. I don't really like to bandy about this word too often, but -- you wussy! What are you afraid of, Alfonso? And is Soriano really your last name, or is it actually Alfonso Ribiero? Honestly, does Soriano know he's a terrible second baseman? What could he possibly be worried about? Embarassing himself in the outfield? He does that on the regular at second. Maybe he's worried about losing his 2B eligibility in fantasy leagues. (Sorry -- nerdy joke. I immediately regret it but like it too much to remove.)

-Okay, so apparently the Hawks have regressed a bit since I proclaimed them to be approaching something resembling decent the other night. Or Pat Riley has taken things up a level since taking over as Miami's coach. Or most likely, both have happened. Whatever the case, tonight the Heat pistol-whipped the Hawks 111-92 in a game so lopsided that Gerald Fitch (doesn't that sound like an attorney's name?) scored 15 points for Miami, and Marvin Williams dropped 26 for ATL. Two words for you: garbage time.

-I touted him as a breakout player entering this year (doesn't that phrase make me sound like some kind of professional?), but I have already accepted the fact that Stromile Swift -- like a friend who lures you to his place claiming he has a cool house and fancy car but in reality lives in a tar-paper shanty and tools around on a big wheel -- has fooled me yet again. With Yao and Dikembe on the shelf, Stro is set to start at center for at least the short term. As far as I'm concerned, this is his last chance to prove he'll ever be anything more than a tease. Though I know deep down that disappointment looms, I'm buying one last ticket to the Stro Show.

The worst of it is, I haven't even seen the thing yet, and somehow I already feel like I just got scalped a phony ticket.


Blogger jimmyrad said...

I think you are being too hard on Tice. The NFL has turned him into a poster boy of scalping and makes him mention how big a mistake it was on just about every interview I've seen. I think part of his punishment was to become the beacon of moral ticket brokering. I mean, honestly, if I told you that stealing a ping-pong paddle was wrong, wrong, wrong! you wouldn't call me a hypocrite, would you?

Prediction: Soriano is a gigantic fantasy bust. And considering that he doesn't add much besides fantasy stats to a team, an all-around bust. ...IF he stays with the Nats.

For some reason that Hawks game was on the big screen at the sports bar last night. What a joke. Shaq was 13-15. I think 11 dunks.

Save me a seat at the show.

11:09 AM, December 21, 2005  

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