November 29, 2005

Sizzling in Motown

At first glance, Lions' QB Joey Harrington seems like the kind of guy who, if given the opportunity, could effectively man the grill at your annual backyard Flag Day barbeque, amicably chatting it up with Grandma Georgina while deftly maneuvering the sausages (pardon me?) over the grill's red-hot embers. Which is to say that at first glance, Joey Harrington seems like a pretty good guy.

To hear his teammate Dre Bly tell it, though, Harrington is actually the kind of guy who, if given the opportunity to man the grill at your annual Flag Day BBQ, would most likely roll the sausages in dirt and sucker punch Grandma Georgina in the eye.

Okay, so Bly didn't actually outright say any of these things about Joey, but by blaming the team's woes on Harrington and saying that recently fired coach Steve Mariucci would still have his job were it not for a certain QB, he might as well have said them.

Bly showing loyalty to his departed coach is theoretically understandable -- I wouldn't be surprised if Mooch is well-liked as a person by many of his players. However, the fact is, Mariucci's coaching job on Thanksgiving day against the Falcons was so atrocious -- so indefensible -- that the official transcript of my comments during the game (which does not exist) clearly states that I said, "Mariucci's going to get fired for this."

Did anyone see this game? The Falcons came in with one of the worst run defenses in the league. First Lions' play: they threw. Second play, 20-yard run. Third play, for whatever reason, throwing again -- intercepted.

Their next possession, the Lions passed on 4 of 6 plays. The two times they ran, they averaged 6.0 yards. The last pass play resulted in a fumble, and the game was effectively over after that. The Lions never gave the Falcons' suspect run D a test, and they ended up getting shellacked like a piece of salmon being thrown against a smokehouse wall. (I have no idea what that means, but just know, the Lions got it bad.)

So how does this fit in with Bly and Harrington? Well, anyone who watched this game saw a deeply dysfunctional squad. So far this season we've heard about how screwed up the Vikings and Rams are -- I'm just waiting for someone to blow the whistle on the Lions. From this angle, though, it sure looked like a lot of the blame should be on Mariucci's coaching. But if Joey really is responsible for the team's problems on a level anywhere close to what Bly has suggested, I'll tell you one thing right now: He is not invited to my Flag Day barbeque.
Now catching up on a bit of news...

-You'll need to register for a membership with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution to read this article, but since it's about strippers setting up shop in a strange party truck outside Tampa Bay Bucs games, well -- I think that's the kind of thing you need a membership for also.

-I always have been a bit suspicious of John Madden...

-A couple of Jets' fans got stabbed at Giants' stadium over the weekend. Not to be insensitive (or, more accurately, blatantly being insensitive), has anyone considered that the assailant might have been trying to put them out of their misery?

-As I'm sure you've heard, Michael Irvin recently got caught with a pipe in his glove compartment. Not the kind of pipe you use for beat-downs -- the kind you smoke weed out of. Well, Mike insists the thing belongs to his buddy, and you gotta hand it to him -- this excuse is so beyond played out at this point that it just might be the truth. But probably not. Personally, I'd be more inclined to believe Irvin if he said he had been carjacked by a wooly mammoth who proceeded to make him smoke the drugs a la Training Day and then stuffed the pipe in the glove box as he hastily departed the vehicle because he thought he saw a sasquatch and wanted to confirm if the fabled creature really exists once and for all. But that might just be me.


Blogger Frank G Yak said...

Like George Costanza would say, the tailgates in Tampa were certainly "taken up a notch"

1. Who wants to go to a Bucs game this weekend?

2. I know that Cadillac Willams has visited the tailgate at least once before one of the home games this year.

I also enjoyed the fact that somebody was "charged with renting space for lewdness."

5:50 PM, November 30, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the quote from that Smush article you referenced a few posts ago: "Every time I step on the court, all I do is kill."

8:52 PM, November 30, 2005  
Anonymous Aimee Berg said...

The transcript of my comments during the Lions game on Thanksgiving (which also does not exist) includes the line, "Joey Harrington is the worst regular NFL quarterback I've ever seen." By "regular," I mean that he has managed to be a starter for four years. There have been many, many awful NFL quarterbacks in my lifetime. But I don't remember one who has managed to keep a starting job for as long as Joey Harrington. He's awful.

6:52 PM, December 01, 2005  
Blogger The OCC said...

For some reason I picture Coach Gruden being the main frequenter of the stripper bus, I don't know why.

P -- The legend of Smush continues to grow. Tonight on TNT he gave Craig Sager one of the scariest halftime interviews ever. After just two questions, a clearly-rattled Sager threw it back to the studio with a concerned look on his face.

Aimee (if that really is your name) -- who types your transcripts? I'm looking for a new guy.

12:53 AM, December 02, 2005  
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