November 11, 2005

Where's Terrell?

This just in: Terrell Owens attended the Hawks-Clippers game Thursday night. Finally, we've got some news! Speculation must begin at once. If Terrell Owens farts, we need to discuss it. (Was it loud? How many octaves? Is there a chance it was actually a shart? These are things we need to know.) Okay, let's see...Owens was at a basketball game in Atlanta. Atlanta, Atlanta...hmm...I know! He's going to sign with the Hawks. You heard it first right here. Unless...wait, that's it! He's going to sign with the Falcons. That actually makes more sense. He also might play for both teams. And he's going to be the Braves' new pitching coach.

All joking aside, just how pathetic is it that we continue to talk about this guy when it's really not all that interesting of a story? I'm still waiting to see my first "Owens Picks Scab, Considers Eating It" headline. Depending on who you listen to, Terrell Owens is either a reasonably good guy who has a tendency to behave badly or he's a total jackass who's acting how total jackasses act. Either way, from my seat he really hasn't done anything worthy of the attention he's getting since he busted out the Sharpie -- and that was over three years ago.

Since a slew of media outlets are no doubt going to run stories on T.O. attending a basketball game in what happens to be his place of residence, let's ignore for a moment that Owens is still the property of the Eagles and indulge this ridiculous notion of #81 suiting up for the Dirty Birds.

So we'll assume that for no good reason at all, the Eagles' front office -- arguably the most hardass executive entity in sports -- is willing to release T.O. to let him play with another team this season. Then let's pretend that the Eagles let one of the best receivers in the league sign with one of the top teams in their own conference. Seems pretty likely. As preposterous as the scenario is, just indulge me and pretend it happens. Now try for a second to conjure up a worse pairing of star QB and elite receiver than Mike Vick and Terrell Owens. If Owens has a problem with Donovan McNabb's passing, just think how furious he'd be at Vick. Number 7 is a joy to watch, but he sprays his hose all over the field (that's a metaphor for inaccurate throwing, you perv). A Vick/T.O. pairing would be about as good of an idea as Michael Vick going on Monday Night Football and revealing that he uses multiple cell phones to date more than one woman at the same time.

In sum, two things:

1) Though a number of people will try to speculate otherwise, there's no chance in hell that Owens attending the Hawks game has any bearing on his football future. He clearly just wanted to see Zaza Pachulia play.
2) Unless he goes over to McNabb's house and goes Najeh Davenport on Donnie Mac's laundry hamper, can we please find someone better to talk about than Terrell Owens?


Blogger Bob Stainbrook said...

I think that the Eagles should be happy with the 4 game suspension since they save $ 800,000.00+ & when he returns to the team in a month I would play him only on SPECIAL TEAMS. Every team would love a fast/tough (at least his mouth) to run down kick offs, punts, x-tra points. This would legally get past the wonderful Players Union & keep TO until they cut him Feb. 28, 2006 so there is no 5 million roster bonus.

Bob Stainbrook

11:06 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger jimmyrad said...

I was watching on the ol' league Pass when they interviewed him during the telecast. It was, quite possibly, the worst interview in the history of sports. The lady mentioned twice how she's "respecting TO's wishes not to talk about football." Umm, thanks. Not only do I NOT want to hear TO talk about ANYTHING anymore, but I would rather slit my thorax in two before wanting to listen to him talk about his thoughts on the NBA and the current hoops games he plays in at the Buckhead Athletic Center.

Im' with you about a Vick-TO match made in hell. I think I've screamed at the TV 6 seperate times when ATL has been mentioned as a possible home for TO.

Scoot over, will you? Gotta make room for one more on the Zaza bandwagon.

3:46 PM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger ER said...

Here is my take on the whole Vick, TO, Falcons matching. Thanks for your post!
Good stuff.

4:59 PM, November 11, 2005  

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