October 14, 2005

Nine Days in October

The OCC was called away on official business for the past nine days, so you were most likely forced to search elsewhere for witty and insightful sports commentary (which you probably do anyways). Naturally, I come back online to find the House of Sport in complete disarray. Here are some of the key things that went down during my absence:

-I wasn't near a TV when it happened, but you can bet there will be some cries for instant replay in baseball after
that call in the White Sox-Angels game the other night.

-In undoubtedly the most grueling sporting event I've ever watched (and I don't mean that in a good way), the Braves lost, in six hours and 18 innings on Sunday, wiped out in the first round -- again. I know this is already old news. In fact, the Braves fan in me is so well-conditioned to expect and accept failure that I've already moved on. As one loyal reader and fellow Braves fan put it to me recently, they gave us another memorable summer and forgettable October. Perhaps I'm just desperate for some positive take-away from this season, but it's true -- in many ways it was an incredible season for Los Bravos. It just ended the wrong way.

-The man who ended the Braves season -- Chris Burke -- is starting to make
quite a name for himself with hot postseason hitting. I, for one, haven't noticed Burke's hot hitting -- I'm too distracted by the eerie resemblance between him and Chris Kattan.

-On the subject of look-alikes, does anyone else see an odd similarity between Julian Tavarez and Freddy Krueger?

-Ever heard of someone being hospitalized for multiple days because of a pulled chest muscle? Me neither -- but that's what's happening right now
with LeBron. The Cavs are doing their best to downplay this, and my guess is it will end up being nothing, but it sure sounds to me like they're worried he might have a heart problem.

-You probably saw this already, but Nomar did his finest Hasselhoff impersonation the other day. No, he's not
putting out a rap album -- he jumped into Boston Harbor to save a couple of ladies who were struggling to stay afloat. The best thing about this story: The moment she realized what was going on, one of the women immediately said, "Are you Nomar?" I don't know about all of you, but if I could have one pro sports star save me from drowning, it would definitely be Mutombo. Just picturing him frantically flapping around in the water makes me laugh. Then again, he might not be the best choice -- he'd most likely put me under with a vicious elbow while trying to carry me ashore.

-In case Ron Artest wasn't already the most intimidating defender in the NBA, dude is now up to 260, and
wishes he weighed 280.

-ESP-aNnoyance: Actually, this isn't annoying at all.
It's perfect.

-From the "This Could Only Happen to Darko" files: On his way to pick up Serbian food with some buddies on Wednesday, the oft-overwhelmed 7-footer got
pulled over for having illegally tinted windows and then was arrested for driving with a suspended license (he hadn't paid some parking tickets). Apparently, many of Darko's teammates have would-be-illegal tints on their windows, but they have obtained medical waivers to make Johnny Law leave them alone. Come on, fellas. Help the poor bastard out. Someone's gotta tell Darko these things!


Blogger Frank G Yak said...

Having Mutumbo save you would be perfect. He could drop you off at the hospital and say "Who wants to sex Mutumbo?"

3:28 PM, October 14, 2005  

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