March 24, 2006

Follow the Tank

Have you ever done something kind of risky to attend a sporting event? We've all been there, haven't we? You really want to make it to that afternoon baseball game, so you cut out early from school or from the office, consequences be damned. You've got tickets to first round action of the NCAA Tourney, but you're scheduled to have gall bladder surgery, and you only live once, so -- you skip the surgery and despite the searing pain in your abdomen, you head to the games, have a spectacular time, and only suffer mild medical repercussions. It's all in good fun. Heck, I actually know a guy who missed the birth of his first-born child to attend an NBA playoff game. We're sports fans -- it's what we do. (As a side note, that thing about the guy missing his child's birth was a lie.)

The point is, we've all done something slightly edgy at one point or another in order to get ourselves into a stadium. And I'm sure we all think we're pretty hardcore for having done so. But the new king of high-risk sports attendance is a man by the name of Tank Carter. Think you're a dedicated sports fan? Tank Carter recently parlayed a six-month jail sentence for driving with an invalid license into a five year term just so he could see his brother (Steelers' safety Tyrone Carter) play in the Super Bowl. Now that's dedication. And quite fitting, I might add, that a man with such clear disregard for boundaries would be named Tank.

In case any of you were wondering, Tank Carter has no regrets about what he did. "It was the greatest game in my life," he says. So ask yourself this: What exactly are you doing at work right now? What Would Tank Do? That's right. Discard your mouse and rise up from your ergonomically correct chair, desk jockey -- there's spring training baseball going on!

-How about that UCLA-Gonzaga game last night -- unreal. Quite a collapse by the 'Zags. And while I'm sure the sight of J.J. Redick crying after Duke lost was therapeutic for many of you out there, seeing Adam Morrison cry was downright painful for this sports fan. I felt like gouging my eyes out with a spoon. I never imagined a man who looks like he stumbled out of a 70's-era porn van high on reefer could inspire any feeling other than geniune amusement, but I legitimately felt sorry for Morrison after that game.

-Self-promotion: My thoughts on Samuel Dalembert.

-And in case you missed last night's big NBA news, Phoenix just got scarier. Amare is back -- 20 and 9 in 19 minutes. And the Suns dropped 76 on the Blazers in the first half. If Phoenix comes up short of the NBA finals, I'm going to be angry. Say all you want about good defense and good fundamentals, but I will not be able to tolerate a Spurs-Pistons series. Give me Phoenix or give me nothing.


Anonymous Aimee Berg said...

Your comments are so off-color, I'm having trouble dealing with it. As such, I'm thinking about heading over to Lucky's for a milkshake.

5:30 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger elijah the prophet said...

i noticed that you didnt mention your conflict of interest in the dalembert affair. seems a little irresponsible. if mo cheeks puts dalembert back into his lineup on the basis of your piece, i might have to write a letter to the ethicist.

5:36 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger The OCC said...

Just because Dalembert is on my fantasy team doesn't mean I can't be independently infuriated by his benching as a basketball fan. It just so happens that I was acutely aware of his situation because he's on my fantasy team, so I have had my attention called to the fact that he's wasting away on the bench. I didn't write a letter to Mo Cheeks so that my fantasy team would benefit. (As far as you know.)

1:06 PM, March 30, 2006  

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