On Siegfried and Roy and Hot Pink Bats

• Went down to our nation's capital this weekend and had a serious gut check moment while riding the Chinatown bus. In one of those everyday feats of athleticism that often gets overlooked (I suppose for good reason), I attempted to urinate in the bathroom at the back of the bus while it was plowing down the interstate. Terrible idea. As it just so happens, it's very difficult to keep the stream going while being bounced off the disturbingly sticky walls of a motorized outhouse. Note to self: In future, risk hemorrhaging of bladder if necessary to avoid such situations.

• Speaking of D.C., I'm pretty sure there's no worse team to root for right now than the Nationals. Not only is the team quite rotten, but they play in a miserable ballpark and apparently their games are rarely ever on TV (Friday night's game against the Braves was nowhere to be found), because Orioles' owner Peter Angelos won't allow another team to compete with the Orioles. And to think baseball owners get a bad rap!

• On the subject of underappreciated everyday feats of athleticism, this video clip is quite remarkable, if not completely horrifying. The moral of this story -- know when you've messed with the nerdy kid one too many times, because he might be able to throw scissors with incredible force and accuracy (probably because he's watched so many ninja movies). [Note: if watching at work, beware that audio contains multiple f-bombs.]

• I would like to take this moment to briefly update one of this site's all-time favorite stories: Former Raiders' kicker Cole Ford has pleaded guilty to busting caps in the home of Siegfried and Roy in 2004. His reasoning? He believed Siegfried and Roy to be dangerous, primarily because they interact with their animals in creepy ways. Another reason he shot at them: He is insane. The fact is, Siegfried and Roy are not dangerous, and the only thing creepy about them is...well, everything.

• In closing, as I'm sure you heard, Major League Baseball decided to raise awareness for breast cancer and commemorate Mother's Day by having players use really lame-looking pink bats. I suppose that in looking completely stupid the bats did accomplish their goal and make people notice them, but to me this is kind of like shooting at Siegfried and Roy's house -- isn't there a less ridiculous way to send a message? I don't really mean to be insensitive to the issues at hand, but there's something kind of incongruous about seeing bulked-up sluggers carrying pink sticks around the field. Why don't we just have them carry around Prada hand bags while we're in the process of emasculating them? Whereever we all stand on this issue, I think we can all agree on a perfect compromise for next year to raise awareness while maintaining a certain level of dignity: "Mom" tattoos on the biceps.