June 09, 2008

Crippling Diarrhea, Most Likely

Clearly, something was bothering Rockies second baseman Jeff Baker on Sunday, as he came into the game for a pinch hitter, then was removed for a pinch runner after reaching on a hit. But in an astonishing development -- and in a notable departure from recent episodes in which it was revealed that Kaz Matsui had an anal fissure and Carlos Guillen had hemorrhoids -- Rockies manager Clint Hurdle did not reveal what was wrong with Baker, instead invoking the (apparently quite rare) phrase, "I'm not at liberty to say." Which of course begs two questions:

1) Why couldn't the Astros and the Tigers taken the same strategy and decide not to sell out Matsui and Guillen's terribly embarrassing butt problems?

2) What in God's name was plaguing Baker, and how am I supposed to find out if no one is going to be senseless enough to run their mouth about it?


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