July 18, 2007

Madness, Thy Name is Glue

This morning a man walked onto the number 4 train in uptown Manhattan and announced a sales pitch:

“Good morning,” he said. “I do have one dollar batteries, and of course – one dollar Krazy Glue.”

Right. Naturally, he has the Krazy Glue. Because that’s the one thing we were really expecting.

Honestly, did we sleep through the period of time when Krazy Glue became so mundane and commonplace that every subway vendor now carries it – and more to the point, is expected to carry it?

Isn’t the whole point of Krazy Glue (aside from its remarkable adhesive qualities) that it’s incredibly krrrraaaazzzzy!? Isn’t it such a wacky substance that the standard crazy with a "c" won’t come close to doing it justice? Aren’t you supposed to be able to run full speed through brick walls and dodge oncoming traffic if you huff enough of it?

Umm… not that we’ve ever tried that.

(Pardon me, sir. Two tubes of one dollar Krazy Glue, please.)


Quote of the Unspecified Time Period Until We Find a Better One:

Michael Vick is such a fucking moron. Let me throw away a 100+ million dollar plus career over making $25k in dog fights. What a stupid fucking idiot. It's like someone covered him in honey and dipped him into a silo of stupid.”

That quote comes courtesy of longtime OCC reader (and President of Whynatte, Inc.) Jesse in the wake of the news that Vick has been indicted for his role in a dog fighting conspiracy. Thank you very much for your words, Jesse. What a strange and delightful image you've presented. It’s hard to picture Michael Vick willingly agreeing to be dipped into the Silo of Stupid, but you never know.

More importantly, if honey’s not readily available as an adhesive for the Stupid, would Krazy Glue suffice?


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