This Man's Urethra Hurts

Took a trip out to Shea Stadium last evening for the Mets-Twins game. Included in our party: Two Twins fans (one wearing a t-shirt with a giant image of Kirby Puckett’s face), one Mets fan and one Braves fan.

At one point during the game, a Mets fan with a shaved head and glazed-over look in his eyes who was sitting nearby turned to one of the Twins fans in our group and said, “Kirby Puckett’s dead.”

(To give you a sense of the truly hollow look on this guy’s face, picture the coked-out former jock who reads poetry to John Cusack’s character during the high school reunion in Grosse Pointe Blank.)

In response to this Kirby Puckett-related insult (if it could be called that), the Twins fan responded in a measured but slightly snooty tone, “What’s the score?”

At the time, the score was in fact 9-0 Twins, and this was essentially the Twins fan’s way of saying, “Look at the scoreboard, bitch.” In other words, he wasn’t actually asking for the score; his question was a means of pointing out that the Twins were destroying the Mets.

But this Mets fan – not being the sharpest Ginsu knife in the kitchen – didn’t realize this. So, he simply responded, “It’s nine-nothing.”

At this point, his friend – realizing that the Twins fan had been mocking them – leaned in and informed him of this fact. And the Mets fan decided to fire back an insult of his own:

“Johan Santana takes steroids through his penis hole,” he said.

Even if you hate the place, sometimes you’ve gotta love Shea Stadium.