May 25, 2007

Say it Ain't So, Murdoch

While perusing an article on about former Mets’ clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski – who could emerge as a key witness in the ongoing investigation into steroid use in Major League Baseball – we came across an interesting passage:

“Many Mets staffers contacted acted as if they barely recalled Radomski, odd considering he worked daily in the clubhouse for 10 years. Most recalled that he was commonly called Murdoch – or Murdie, for short – though no one could say exactly why.”

Oh, they couldn’t remember why they called him Murdoch, eh? How convenient. Have they really somehow forgotten why they gave this man a nickname – the sort of thing people absolutely never forget – or is it possible that they’re protecting a secret, a secret so dark and ground-shaking that it will make any talk of drug or steroid use in the Mets clubhouse seem like idle chatter on the Number 7 Train?

That’s right – this whole thing is a huge cover up. But the truth can no longer be ignored, so let’s just get it out in the open right now, once and for all:

The New York Mets of the mid-to-late 80’s and early 90’s were absolutely and helplessly addicted to The A-Team.

Think about it – what other Murdoch was there of any relevance anywhere on Planet Earth during that time period? Answer: There was none. The man was an absolute icon to legions of television watchers everywhere. The lovable, goofy lunatic (played by Dwight Schultz) who was as quick with a nonsensical one-liner as Mr. T was quick to want to tear people’s arms out of their sockets.

Why might they have decided to refer to Radomski as “Murdoch,” you might ask? Not exactly a brainteaser. Murdoch had the reputation of being able to land a plane in absolutely any conditions. Bullet holes in the wings? No problem. The man knew how to get things done in the cockpit. And Radomski was clearly the Murdoch of the Mets locker room. “Crashing” hard on the heels of a particularly vicious high? Murdie’s got the medicine to help you land that plane. Need a syringe of steroids to shoot into your anus? Our main man Murdoch can make that needle “fly” right into your butt.

Need we say more? Seems that the evidence here is darn near incontrovertible. And it follows that MLB’s got a pretty huge P.R. crisis on its hands. Now that The A-Team – thought to be one of the few remaining beacons of good and heroic behavior left on this cursed planet – has been implicated in the steroids scandal, there’s no telling how big this thing could get.


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