Get That Cheikh Some Meuslix: A Post Mortem on the NBA Draft

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was unable to watch the NBA Draft Wednesday night, a fact that, as Zoolander's Maury Ballstein might say, "stings me like a fissure in my ass." Damn I wanted to watch that bad boy. But them's the breaks. Sometimes, try as you might, you just can't be in front of a TV set when you need to. And of course, it seems like the other times, when you can't get away from in front of the TV set, you wish the damn thing had never been invented. Ah, well. Here are a few thoughts that would have likely passed through my cranial lobe (real term or not? Discuss) had I actually been able to watch the draft:

• There are eight first round picks that for whatever reason are legitimately emanating good vibes in my general direction. In order, they are: Tyrus Thomas (#4), Brandon Roy (#6), Randy Foye (#7), Hilton Armstrong (#12), Rodney Carney (#16), Kyle Lowry (#24), Shannon Brown (#25) and Jordan Farmar (#26). It really, really hurts me, in a "1995 NBA Draft Alan Henderson picked #16, Bob Sura picked #17" kind of way to see the Hawks take Shelden Williams one spot of Roy (though I think both Shelden and Roy will be better pro players than Henderson and Sura). Also, I've recently become quite sold on Tyrus Thomas. I think he's going to be an absolute beast in the NBA. Ditto Carney.

• There is one first round pick that legitimately leaves me shocked beyond belief, but at the same time not shocked at all -- and if you don't know where I'm going with this, then you probably ought take one more look at the draft board. The pick in question (and I do mean in question) is the Knicks' selection of Renaldo Balkman at #20. Obviously just about every joke out there has already been made about this pick -- I can't imagine a draft selection more worthy of being verbally deficated on, entirely because of the track record of the man who made the pick -- so I'll just point to one line from Balkman's NBA.com draft bio to sum this up: "Junior (2005-06): Led the team in rebounding (6.3 rpg), while averaging 9.6 points and 1.3 blocked shots." This is not meant to be a knock on Balkman, but by all accounts the man had absolutely no business going in the first round. I'm pretty certain Isiah Thomas couldn't manage the Howard Johnson's across the street from Madison Square Garden, yet somehow he runs the Knicks. There may be no bigger travesty in all of pro sports.

• There are three second round picks that for whatever reason give me some semblance of good vibes. They are: Daniel Gibson (#42), Leon Powe (#49) and Hassan Adams (#54). And yes, I do realize this is the first time anyone has ever uttered "Hassan Adams" and "good vibes" in the same breath, but I see his game translating well to the NBA. Of course, the only problem is, minutes will be tough to find on the Nets. Also, I think Daniel Gibson could be running the point for the Cavs before long -- he's already more dynamic than Eric Snow and Damon Jones combined, although Jones, arrogant bastard that he is, would obviously disagree.

• In closing, gotta give some love to Cheikh Samb, the Senegalese big man drafted by the Lakers and traded to Detroit who earns a mention on this site for having one of the most bootleg JPEG shots of all time attached to his bio. Honestly, this looks like a head shot scanned out of your younger brother Fritz's coloring book. Also, it is worth noting that Samb measures in at 7-1, 195 pounds, which means that either a) he should be put on a different diet and weight training program, or b) he needs to be hospitalized and given intravenous fluids immediately. Can someone in Detroit's front office please look into this? Frankly, I'm a bit concerned.