January 18, 2007

An Open Letter to the Golden State Warriors

Dear Golden State Warriors,

At a time in NBA history when arena public address systems are as irritating and invasive as a tsetse fly buzzing around inside a motorcycle helmet, it occurs to me that you have a unique opportunity to stand out as a true innovator amongst the senseless noise-blasting masses.

You see, as the Warriors, you share a common name with the 1979 film The Warriors, which is considered by many a cult classic and is in fact widely quoted in NBA circles, particularly by Shaquille O’Neal, whose “CAAAN YOU DIG IT?” line came directly from that movie.

And while “CAAAN YOU DIG IT?” really has no implication to your franchise, there are a number of quotes from the film that you could – nay, should – play over the PA system in your arena on a regular basis. Consider:

Near the film’s ending, there is a scene in which one of the main villains is attempting to get the gang known as “The Warriors” to come fight him, and he says, repeatedly, “Warriors, come out to play-ee-ay…”

This would be an appropriate scene to air over the PA system (even incorporating the big screen if you so choose) during pregame and halftime warm-ups. And if you wanted – since the character who says this line is extremely annoying – you could show the scene where one of The Warriors throws a knife into his arm. This might be therapeutic for your fans.

But an even better scene to play over the loudspeaker (and once again employing the big screen) would be when the leader of a rival gang says to The Warriors,

“You Warriors are good. Real good.”

And the leader of The Warriors responds: “The best.”

Now if that wouldn’t get the crowd pumped up during a fourth quarter timeout, I don’t know what would.

It seems fairly clear to me that if you aren’t doing this already (and an informal poll of three Warriors fans and repeated viewings of Warriors games on NBA League Pass have given no indication that you are), you should consider it your civic duty to the people of… umm, Golden State… to begin airing clips and/or audio from this film at your arena during games at once. It will make the lives of your fans, and fans everywhere for that matter, infinitely better.

Thank you and good day.

Yours truly,

The Off-Color Commentator

CC: David Stern, The Baseball Furies, Andris Biedrins


Blogger Sam said...

Brilliant, good work Aswipe.

5:38 PM, February 02, 2007  

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