King Dikembe and the Two-Faced Cow

Great quote from Dikembe Mutombo last week on his impending ascension to #2 on the NBA’s career shot-blocking list:

“I'm so excited, so excited," Mutombo told the Houston Chronicle. "I'm really thrilled about becoming one of the great shot-blockers who has played this game. To see myself up with my brother Hakeem Olajuwon, I think it's a great honor for me. To go into the history books as two African kings who came in and did something very special in this league, it is overwhelming to me and I think very significant."

I like this quote very much for two reasons:

1) It allows me to picture Dikembe Mutombo wearing a silly-looking fake plastic crown and red king’s robe while wielding some kind of weird scepter-like device and making wild proclamations to his subjects who do not understand his English as filtered through his absurdly throaty voice. Mutombo as a king – it doesn't get much better than that. (Especially if we can somehow tie in the story of The Emperor's New Clothes – now that would be some excellent comedy.)

2) It reminds me for about the hundredth time that at all costs we really need to track down the footage of Mutombo on Conan O’Brien about seven or eight years ago when Conan forced Deke to inhale from a helium balloon, thereby causing the big man to release one of the strangest sounds ever before heard in modern times, immediately sending Conan into an uncontrollable laughing fit that may or may not have climaxed with him peeing in his pants.

This is truly an unbelievable television moment. Whoever finds it first gets to wear Mutombo’s crown for a day.

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For reasons I won't go into at the moment, I recently had occasion to conduct a google search for "joel przybilla hematoma testicle" (seriously, don't ask).

But I bring this up because the results were rather suprising – check it out for yourself. (Don't worry, this is not going to generate a picture of Joel Przybilla's nuts.)

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And in other google search-related news, did you know that if you google image search for "two-faced cow" the fourth hit that comes up is... Matt LeBlanc? (Once again, don't ask.)

Okay, since you did ask – there was recently a two-faced cow born in Virginia. The thing looks really creepy and may or may not be a cyclops. And in looking for more pictures of it, I turned up a photo of Matt LeBlanc, which must mean that in some way which we do not yet understand, he is also a two-faced cow.

I’ll get to the bottom of this at once.