Hit the Deck

A couple of years ago, this site’s predecessor, instant-replays.com (The Off-Color Commentator’s “daddy,” if you will), discussed the merits of subway riding as a full-blown, competitive sport.

And now that sport finally has an inductee for the Hall of Fame – Wesley Autrey, who on Tuesday dove onto the New York subway tracks just before a train was arriving to save another man who had begun convulsing and had fallen onto the track (Autrey ensured both of their safety by wedging them into the gap between the tracks and the bottom of the train).

For his part, Autrey (who it should be noted appeared to be wearing a stocking cap with the Playboy bunny logo on it in one photo) does not want credit for being a hero:

“I don’t feel like I did something spectacular; I just saw someone who needed help,” he told the New York Times. “I did what I felt was right.”

That’s understandable. And frankly, quite commendable. And we will gladly comply with not going overboard declaring that Autrey’s a hero.

But if he thinks he’s not getting credit for a spectacularly bold feat of athleticism, he’s got another thing coming.

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Devout followers of the HBO show The Wire probably realize that they’re seeing genius at work, and many viewers are probably aware that one of the primary geniuses behind the genius that they’re seeing is David Simon.

But what viewers probably don’t realize is that as brilliant as Simon is, he’s not immune to making the occasional comment that makes him sound like a male model.

Consider this exchange from a Q & A Simon did on Slate.com back in December:

Slate: What are your models?

Simon: There were no models for us in TV. I admire the storytelling of The Sopranos, though I don't watch it consistently. And Deadwood; I don't watch it, but I admire their storytelling. We certainly weren't paying attention to network TV.

And now, consider this gem from Owen Wilson’s character of Hansel in Zoolander:

“Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that.”

Kind of an eerie resemblance, no? Do you think David Simon’s writers ever have to tell him that the files are in the computer?

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Anyone happen to catch Agent Zero’s game-winning three against Milwaukee last night? There’s nothing more hardcore than hoisting up a game-winning shot and then immediately turning to walk away in disdain because you know the thing is going in and somehow you’re disgusted at yourself for being so filthy good as to have hit it.

Occasionally, The OCC attempts to do the old “walk away because you know you nailed it” routine when throwing rocks at the bowling lanes, but obviously it’s not quite as cool as Gilbert burying a game-winning trey from about 26 feet to top Milwaukee in what has suddenly become a pretty heated rivalry.

And while we’re on the subject of Arenas, gotta say it’s disturbing how quickly he seems to be going from NBA cult hero to the crazy yet talented guy who everyone suddenly seems to be appreciating for the first time at the same time as if some force we’re not quite aware of is conspiring to make us like Arenas.

Frankly, the influx of bodies piling onto the bandwagon is almost enough to make The OCC want to protest by jumping off and hurling stones at the fools on board (which would be terribly immature but at the same time kind of satisfying).

But as much as I may want to, I can’t bring myself to do it. The truth is, I wasn’t close to the first one on board this bandwagon, and as it turns out, we still have a couple of open seats. (And we can probably make some more room if we get rid of all these yaks who are milling around for some unknown reason.)

So saddle on up, partner. Let’s get you fitted for a jersey...