October 02, 2006

NFL Week 4: Things You Probably Don't Need to Know But Might Enjoy Hearing Nonetheless

Some random thoughts on the NFL pieced together while half-heartedly pondering whether or not the Popeye’s dining experience is superior to that of KFC:

Quoth the Raven, “4 and 0, bitch.” Okay, so this site has been reluctant to give much in the way of love to the Ravens thus far, namely because their first three wins were over the Raiders, Bucs and Browns (and narrowly over the Browns at that). But on Sunday they made a claim to join the league’s elite with a win over the previously unassailable Whale’s Vagina.

Say what you want about Steve McNair being old and broken down, but the man would be a more dangerous QB than Kyle Boller even if he was hobbling around on nubs with both legs sawed off below the knee. And while I remain skeptical about the Ravens being one of the league’s truly elite teams, McNair has clearly helped make Baltimore something resembling the real deal.

Pardon Me, But You’ve Got Something On Your Upper Lip. Must take this moment to say a few words about the Browns, and most notably their cheese moustache-sporting QB Charlie Frye. If you haven’t had the opportunity to see the Browns play yet, well – don’t fret. They’re really not any good. But they are somewhat entertaining, in part because of Frye and his wild scrambling and throwing on the run style.

You know how in old versions of Madden on Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo it was an incredibly effective play to run all the way to one side of the screen and then throw back across the field, as the game wasn’t capable of panning all the way across quickly enough and your opponent would thereby lose complete track of his defensive player, leaving your receiver wide open? Well, Charlie Frye seems to attempt such a play about once a game. And at least half the time, it’s intercepted. Which I guess makes it kind of an awful thing for a QB to do. But it’s nevertheless rather awesome to watch.

The Predator: While watching parts of the Rams-Lions game this week, I was struck by Rams’ RB Steven Jackson, who with his long dreadlocks flapping out from the back of his helmet brought to mind a certain alien monster from a certain Arnold Schwarzenneger action film that also happened to feature an actor named Carl Weathers. And it wasn’t just his hair that added to Steven Jackson’s “Predator” persona – the man legitimately runs with a force and intensity that makes you think he might just tear somebody’s head off and fling it into the eighth row of the stands.

Touchdown Celebration of the Week: While we’re on the subject of dreads, let’s take a moment to give props to JAX WR Reggie Williams’ spectacular TD grab in which he was completely leveled the moment he caught the ball, knocking him to the ground and sending his helmet flying. After which in a delightful moment of improvisation he stood up and began flopping his dreadlocks around like he was a roadie for the band Skid Row.

Pregame Salutation of the Week: This one goes out to Falcons’ CB DeAngelo Hall, who stuck his face in front of a camera (or perhaps it was the other way around) and, after making some crazy proclamation about how he was going to get 3 interceptions, saluted his audience by saying “peace up” (flashing an upwards peace sign) and then flipping said peace sign over and adding “A-Town down.” Don’t even know what the hell it means, but rest assured that one will be used again sometime down the road on some unsuspecting and very confused store clerk.

My Stomping of Andre: A lot of talk today about Tennessee DT Albert Haynesworth kicking Cowboys’ center Andre Gurode in the head, while he was down, wearing no helmet. Twice. This was pretty much as blatant and gruesome as it sounds – it was such a blatantly criminal and evil act that it’s not even really fun wasting words on it. So I’ll just leave it at this: If Haynesworth isn’t suspended for the season, then the league went too soft on him. And even suspending him for the season might not be enough.

And lastly, at some point, some higher order – be it Judge Judy or Lance Ito or whoever – needs to determine once and for all why pro athletes are allowed to get away with assault on the field of play when everywhere else in the world getting caught stomping on somebody’s head will get you thrown in The Big House. (As a side note, “The Big House” has got to be just about the lamest nickname for prison that’s ever been coined.)

Delightfully Out of Context Quote of the Week:

Drew Brees did not realize that Julius Peppers was coming on his backside.”

Troy Aikman, during Sunday’s Saints-Panthers game on FOX.


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