September 29, 2006

Late Breaking News: Terrell Owens Saga Causes Prehistoric, Childish Behavior

Okay, so I know we were finished talking about this Terrell Owens episode, and if you must break out the branding iron and emblazon "HYPOCRITE" across my bare chest, then so be it. But as The Dude says in The Big Lebowski, "New shit has come to light." Namely, people intimately involved with the proceedings have spoken up recently with a couple of quotes that simply demand a little bit of dissecting.

The first, from Bill Parcells:
"I have to, as the coach, rely on other people to keep me informed as to what's really going on. I can't form my own independent opinion other than those involving, 'Is his hand functional and can he play on Sunday?'"
Nice to see Parcells channeling the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer here. I'm just a caveman...Your world frightens and confuses me...My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts...I can't form my own independent opinion...

Well done, coach. When dealing with a situation as high profile as this one, it's never a terrible idea to adopt the policy of delegating all responsibility and accountability to others while generally acknowledging that you have no idea what's going on. A wise approach. Except of course for the fact that it makes you look like a complete idiot.

The second quote comes courtesy of Glenn White, president of the Dallas Police Association, who spoke in defense of the Dallas police department for concluding that T.O. attempted to commit suicide (which T.O. has obviously since disputed):
"The officers reacted because they were called to this location to do this job. Now they're being put under the microscope by some fancy little football person. Give me a break. Those officers are 10 times better than this man. We police officers don't go out to these calls and make stuff up."
Police officers don't go out to calls and make stuff up? Oh really? Umm...has Glenn White ever seen Reno 911? Those cops fabricate the truth all the time.

Seriously though, it's great to see what depths of immaturity people have plunged to as a result of this saga. Not only did Glenn essentially call Terrell Owens a "Nancy Boy" apropos of nothing with his "fancy little football person" line -- which, by the way, may be the first time those four words have ever been strung together in that order -- but he also essentially dropped the classic grade school insult: Oh yeah? Well I'm better than you! a moment later. Kind of shocked to see he didn't start screaming "You're not the boss of me!" at the assembled media.

Nice job, Glenn. To summarize where you are: You're talking about a subject you're clearly very sick of to the point that you can't stop yourself from getting angry, yet somehow you continue to talk about it until you have nothing left to do other than take completely unwarranted and out of context cheap shots at others (namely, Terrell Owens) which, while amusing, really have no bearing on anything.

Someone needs to pull you aside and say, "Glenn my friend, you've already said enough. It's really not worth it. Just let it go."

And if only all the rest of us could heed that advice on this particular topic, then the world of sports would truly be a better place.


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