September 11, 2005

Sunday Night Soap Box

Thoughts from this sports fan's steadily decaying brain:

-Signs that your fantasy football "habit" may be turning into a "problem": You find yourself on the Florida Division of Emergency Management website early Sunday morning in an effort to determine whether or not Hurricane Ophelia is going to hinder Jacksonville QB Byron Leftwich's performance.

-Big ups to Panthers' wide receiver Steve Smith, who unleashed a completely lude and inappropriate touchdown celebration on Sunday that seems to have gone largely unnoticed by the conservative tightwads who get all upset when NFL players do something entertaining after scoring a TD. In case you missed it, Smith jumped up in the air, wrapped his legs around the pole supporting the uprights and slid down it like his name were "Stevonne" and he slid down poles professionally. (Wait, his name actually is Stevonne. Never mind.) The point is, the celebration was easily as lude as Randy Moss' notorious fake moon at Lambeau field last year, but I'm guessing Steve's fine, if he receives one at all, will be far less than the one Randy got. Reputation seems to go a long way in these situations, and before today I don't think anyone thought of Steve Smith as the kind of guy who would slide down a pole in the end zone. As a side note, Smith may be the most underrated receiver in the NFL. The guy is fast as hell and catches everything thrown his way.

-Bad news from Green Bay: Packers' wideout Javon Walker blew his knee into a thousand pieces Sunday. And he's definitely on both of my fantasy teams. Kind of inconsiderate of him. (S
igns that your fantasy football "habit" may be turning into a "problem": You are legitimately furious at Javon Walker for suffering a knee injury that is clearly far more devastating to him and his football team than it is to your make-believe franchise that competes against your friends' other make-believe franchises.)

-Speaking of injuries, I broke into new territory this weekend -- pulled a hamstring making an aggressive turn around third base in a softball game. Felt like I had taken an assassin's bullet in the back of my thigh. Much like that favorite pair of tube socks or Cuban style roast pork, you never really know how much you need that hamstring until it's gone. Man, it's tough to walk without the old hammy functioning properly. Feels like hobbling around with a pegleg, without any of the other cool perks of being a pirate.

-49 HR's, 121 rbi's. I said it before, but some of you weren't listening, so I will reiterate it now in a mildly vehement tone: Andruw Jones is the MVP of the National League. I don't even know who this Albert Pujols guy is.

-ESP-aNnoyance: Actually, this isn't really annoying per se, but has anyone else noticed how incredibly awkward it is every time one of Kenny Mayne's completely bizarre and off-topic pieces airs during Sunday NFL Countdown? Chris Berman never has any clue what to say after these things. And to be honest, why should he? Today's piece was about how people try to steal Chargers' QB Drew Brees' identity by wearing Drew Brees replica jerseys. Pure nonsense. The only problem with these Kenny Mayne segments (other than the fact that they really have no place in the middle of a nuts-and-bolts-talking-football show) is the fact that they're really not very funny. Needless to say, I'm incredibly jealous of Kenny Mayne nonetheless. If only I had a platform from which to babble incessantly on topics of my choosing...


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