August 19, 2005

Fiending for Headlines

To us residents of Sports Land – and in particular the non-baseball enthusiasts among us – this may be the most desolate point on our calendar. Baseball pennant races are going strong, but 120 games into the schedule one's focus understandably wanes. Basketball is a blip, hockey – oh, wait, no one cares about that sport – and we’re so desperate for football to come that we’ve been talking about it for about six weeks now even though Week 1 is still almost three weeks away.

The simple fact is, it’s a boring time of year to be a sports fan. It’s the very reason I recently vaulted a review of “Wedding Crashers” to the top of my list of priorities for things to write about on this site. It is exactly because of this boredom that we’re forced to digest the grueling melodrama of the Terrell Owens saga in painstakingly frequent but terribly unsatisfying portions.

And now, at this moment when motivation to consume sports news seems to have hit its annual low, fittingly comes a tale of that most notoriously energy-sapping, drive-spoiling of substances.

Yes friends, that’s right – today we’ve been treated to a true revelation: Randy Moss has admitted to smoking marijuana during his NFL career.

I can think of no better way to summarize my feelings towards this news than to quote Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker: “WELL LA-DEE-FRICKIN’-DAH!”

Honestly, does anyone out there care about this? Did any among you bolt instinctively upright in your seat, awakening for a moment from your semi-comatose soak in a pile of your own drool when you came across this headline? Me neither. It just doesn’t seem that noteworthy or alarming, especially considering that Moss has been caught for marijuana use before in both college and during his NFL career.

The only thing about this story I find even remotely amusing is that Moss’ agent, Dante DiTrapano, is trying to accuse HBO – where the Moss interview including the aforementioned ganja comments is set to air Tuesday – of intentionally damaging Moss’ career, claiming that the cable network took his statements out of context and that his comments were meant to discuss marijuana use in the past. This, to me, is hilarious (or maybe just seems that way because there isn’t much of anything else to get worked-up about). It seems pretty clear to me at this point that Moss’ reputation is pretty nicely tarnished already – see, for instance, giving a traffic officer a love tap with his SUV (reportedly pushing her halfway down the street and knocking her to the ground) in 2002 – and it’s nothing an admission of weed-smoking is going to change one bit.

So to you, Dante, in the spirit of these most lethargic of days and particularly the subject matter (or substance) at hand, I only have one thing to say:

Dude, just relax.


Blogger jimmyrad said...

I love where he called HBO a "struggling network" just grasping for attention, basically.

Dante clearly does not watch enough TV.

2:07 PM, August 21, 2005  

Post a Comment

<< Home