Unacceptable

In recent weeks, a topic of a non-sporting nature has been causing me considerable ass-chapping, and I feel the need to ventilate some steam with regard to this subject so that I (and we) may hopefully move on and all be better humans as a result.

The thing that has angered me is the existence of the "unrated" DVD as pertains to many of my favorite comedies. I own several such DVDs, and on the surface you wouldn't think this is a bad thing. After all, the notion of "unrated" primarily conjures the idea of excessive nudity or other inappropriateness that would make this new version of the film completely (and delightfully) unsuitable for viewing in a movie theater.

But that is just not remotely true. In reality, all that's included in the unrated DVD is a series of extra lines and drawn out scenes that weren't included in the original version of the movie because they aren't funny. So now, all of the jokes that were previously funny get killed because they go on too long. Which is exactly why they were edited down in the first place. It's basically like taking a funny group of people and adding that one guy to the room who invariably lobs in a comedic grenade and nukes the joke just when it was getting good.

Do not be fooled, movie watchers -- "unrated" does not mean "lots of gratuitous nudity and extra crude humor." It actually means "longer, less funny version of movie."

I shall never be foolish enough to buy such a DVD ever again. In fact, I am thinking of taking the unrated DVDs that I already do have, loading them into a burlap sack and throwing them into the East River.

If that's something that would interest you, please let me know and I can probably get you a burlap sack of your own.

Thank you for listening. I feel slightly better now.

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One other thing: Last night I randomly ran into a comedian at a bar in NY. You may know him as "Inconsiderate Cell Phone Man." In real life his name is Rob Huebel. He was wearing white pants, a white blazer, a white turtleneck and a kids size "I love NY" visor. Friendly chap. Also a funny man. I went to his website. I laughed. If you have nothing better to do I recommend that you do the same.

Thank you, that is all.