Li'l Mu and the Awe-Inspiring Power of the Violin
Another little-known fact: Farrakhan Jr., known by many as “Li’l Mu,” draws his basketball inspiration from an unusual source – his grandfather’s rabid violin playing. Said Li’l Mu of his grandfather in a recent New York Times article:
“He’d attack the violin every day. I’d see his teacher come, and they’d practice
one note for hours and hours until he gets it right. He really gets down on it.
I want to attack basketball the way my grandpa attacks the violin.”
Umm…pardon me? Gets down on it? Attacks the violin? Just what kind of violin music is Louis Farrakhan playing? Is he largely focused on playing hardcore death metal covers? Or is he possibly cranking out his own brand of funkified rockabilly bluegrass that’s so up-tempo it makes you want to sprint down the sideline, fill the lane, catch a bounce pass from your point guard and throw down in a defender’s grill?
Otherwise I don’t quite get it. Not sure about the rest of you, but every time I hear someone wailing out a classical melody on a string instrument of any kind, my first instinct is usually to either take the cursed thing out of their hand and smash it over the nearest piece of mahogany furniture, or failing that, to curl up in the fetal position, plug my ears and whimper softly until the terrible noises stop.
Certainly the last thing I want to do when I hear violin playing is lace up my sneaks and “attack basketball.” I’m guessing there’s a reason you don’t hear Pachabel’s Canon being piped in through arena loudspeakers across the nation before games.
Though I don’t necessarily agree with his instrumental preferences, I will say this for our young friend: As far as nicknames go, it doesn’t get much better than Li’l Mu. Really has a nice ring to it. I only hope that this kid becomes a prominent player in college or pro hoops, so that one day I can show up at work and say to a colleague, “Did you see what Li’l Mu did last night? Daaaaaaamn!”
Then we will high five.
The man behind several of the more gruesome posts in this site’s history, Frank G. Yak, is back with another hit – Frank has passed along an article about a man in California who was caught “lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path” last week. Pretty funny imagery in and of itself, just considering the general awkward logistics involved in lying on a tree stump. (I’m picturing the guy with the stump in the center of his lower back with his legs and upper body completely straight and not touching the ground, leading to almost unbearable discomfort.) It’s also just amusing to ponder the juxtaposition of the act of masturbating with the general innocence of a nature path, a place where you might picture children happily skipping along or a couple en route to a picnic carrying sandwiches made up of entirely organic ingredients.
The lovely thing, of course, is that it gets far better – this man, who was recently paroled from prison, happened to be concealing a 6-inch awl that was wrapped in black electrical tape inside his anus. For those not in the know, an awl is a tool that is commonly used for making holes in leather or wood. And I will resist making any jokes about this particular awl and a certain particular hole because frankly that’s disgusting. Nice job, Frank – you’ve gone and done it again.
And on a rare political note, we recently got a tip from loyal reader Mr. Clown about an interesting new phenomenon known as Fantasy Congress. Yes, that’s right, you can now put together a team of your favorite members of U.S. Congress and receive points for their legislative performance. Apparently turning a bill into a law is worth 120 points, while having a bill referred to a House subcommittee is worth only 5. Seems to me that they should also include interesting wild card categories such as “Caught Doing Lines of Blow with Intern in Restroom” or “Embezzling Campaign Funds from Unsavory Sources,” but then again I don’t even get pumped up when I hear violin music, so what do I know.