August 10, 2006

Some People Call Him Maurice

It seems that in the wake of all of his troubles with Johnny Law and his inability to stay in football shape, a lot of people have questioned Maurice Clarett's motivation.

Where's his drive? Where's the passion? These people might ask.

Well, the answer is simple: Maurice Clarett is actually quite motivated.

He just happens to be motivated to committ criminal acts.

Consider the facts of his most recent encounter with the police on Wednesday:

The cops found Clarett near the home of a witness who was going to testify against him in an armed robbery case, with four loaded weapons in his vehicle (one of which was an Egyptian-made AK-47).

First sign of being well-prepared: He had done the research to find the witness' home, and had brought along not one gun, but four, for extra blasting power. One of which came from Egypt, which means that someone presumably had to go to Egypt to get it.

Then, when the po-po attempted to Dale Davis Clarett with a Taser, they received an unwelcome shock (so to speak): They were unable to drill him with the Taser's special electro prods because he (Clarett) was wearing a bulletproof vest.

Clearly, Maurice did his homework. Though he may not have been specifically thinking "I'll wear kevlar so they can't Taser me" and was more likely thinking "They won't be able to riddle me with bullets as easily if I'm wearing a bulletproof vest," he still gets credit for being prepared for the failed Tasering. When you take precautions, good things happen. (Well, "good" being a relative term here.) For instance, if someone's wearing a helmet while riding a bicycle and said helmet happens to randomly deflect an errant arrow from a crossbow, the rider still gets credit for wearing the helmet even if it was not being worn with an arrow in mind.

Also of note: Clarett had a hatchet in his car. This is actually pretty disturbing to think about considering what criminals often use hatchets for, but it is yet another indication that the man had a plan of some kind, as diabolical as it may have been.

There are also reports circulating that Clarett was taking pulls off a bottle of Grey Goose vodka during the encounter with police. Which on the surface seems incredibly stupid and self-destructive until you realize that obviously he was drinking the booze in a pre-emptive maneuver to lessen the pain should he happen to catch a stray bullet or two in a shootout with officers of the peace.

So call Maurice Clarett what you want -- sociopath, sick bastard, completely insane, infuriatingly misguided, dangerously self-destructive -- it's all valid.

But don't call him unmotivated, because clearly that's just not true.


Anonymous Aimee Berg said...

So what if Mo likes to, as he puts it, "Get [his] Goose on"? Who among us doesn't enjoy guzzling vodka straight out of the bottle while driving an SUV packed with firearms (and a hatchet)? The bulletproof vest is a little unorthodox, but I can relate to the rest.

My one issue with him is that he was using an Egyptian-made AK-47. If you're gonna roll with an AK, it's gotta be Russian-made. Where's your street cred, son?

Free Maurice!

8:07 PM, August 11, 2006  
Anonymous John said...

I put the over/under on "number of Maurice Clarett jokes at my fantasy draft next week" at 6.5

12:46 PM, August 14, 2006  
Blogger The OCC said...

6.5 sounds about right. For the record I'm taking the over.

Agreed that you cannot use an AK-47 unless it's made in Russia. Isn't the "K" for Kalashnikov? Last I checked that was not an Egyptian name.

4:26 PM, August 14, 2006  
Anonymous Aimee Berg said...

If you must know, yes, the "K" is for Kalashnikov, the original designer of the gun. He was indeed Russian, but the gun is also produced in countries outside Russia, mostly in Eastern Europe and Asia.

The version Mo was packing could very well have come from Egypt as that country also produces AK-47s.

And to return this to the sports tip, I will re-state what I have said many times in the past -- that the best nickname in the NBA, and possibly in all of sports right now, is Andrei Kirilenko's "AK-47" because:

a) his initials are "AK"
b) he is Russian
c) he wears #47
d) he's a LETHAL motherfucker (on the basketball court, of course)
e) he carries a hatchet in his car

(not sure if "e" is true, but it oughta be -- all top athletes should have at least one hatchet in their respective cars.)

12:50 AM, August 16, 2006  

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